Re: who brought the "sorry" to the party?

Just a quick note here: this was a series of email exchanges between Travis and myself sparked off by Misty's email. We were generous enough to "CC" all of the other recipients in on our exchange.

misty wrote:

Hey Guys

Just wanted to send the reminder for tomorrow night. You can come anytime after 8pm. (Zach will this give you enough time for your work thing?)

Let me know if you need directions to my place.

Hope to see you all there!

Misty


Travis Wrote back:

word. should i bring anything? you know, like, food-wise?

napkins?

people always need napkins. (and the person who brings them is usually "the hit" of the party). i mean, i likely would be anyway...

will there be intoxicants? not that i need them to have to good time or anything...because i don't...i just need them to have a good time around other people...

thanks for the invite and the hospitality...

travis

Then I wrote:

Der...

should I bring the napkins?

Der...

Travis' reply to me:

your royal hypeness...

are you mocking me and my light-hearted (yet heartfelt) attempt at a little holiday humor while still trying to be helpful?

i call that "multi-tasking"...you should look into it...i already have a little "multi-tasking" you can try at home or even right now...its called "perch and rotate", homes...

let me know if it doesn't take...

and no, you can't (because you're insecure)...i'm already bringing the napkins (and the funk)...

My response to Travis:

Mr. Xxxxxxx,

That's all good and well. The perch and rotate did in fact take quite fittingly... thanks for you helpful (and heartfelt) suggestion.

Now as for what I am to bring then to this gathering, I'm thinking that I'll be bringing along "the class". I wouldn't expect someone such as yourself to even know where to begin to find something so foreign in the wastelands you called home (Mxxxxx County). (And no, working as a taxi service for the Amish does not count.)

But all politeness aside, I strongly suggest that you multi-task your ass back to charm school for a few more weeks so as to learn proper etiquette for attending a dear friend's festive holiday gathering without offending, insulting, and generally reeking of fetid onions and body odor.

See you then.

Zach "Hype"

Travis' latest response:

my dearest mr. "hype" Xxxxxxx

my polite indignation knows no bounds...

thanks, a suggestion is nothing if it doesn't have "heart"...

glad to know you'll be bringing the "class" (all of it 3rd? coach? what are you gonna do? sing "puttin' on the ritz"?). one less thing for me to carry...i'll be bringing the "substance" (and extra napkins) and setting the room on fire with my enthralling (if personally distant) conversational abilities...i may also try to bring some "charm"...that's a huge maybe though...

on the charm subject...i have attended "charm school" via correspondence...i have a certificate coming in the mail...and if i can't attend a holiday gathering with insulting and offending others (see my "awesome" fondue puns on misty's b-day) then what is really the point of getting together at all?

oh yeah...the food...and napkins... and texas.

warmest regards and best wishes travis xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

Then Travis wrote this: (for all the other people who have a bunch of emails in their inbox from Travis and me)

yeah...sorry about that...as you (misty) may very well know, sometimes
the correspondence betwix zach and "yours truly" can take on a life of
its own...i'm sorry you all had to be a part of that ugliness.  don't
fret none, fellow partaygoers, zach and i will "make nice" at the party
like nothing ever happened...(but deep down, we'll all know...)

travis "the secret ingredient" xxxxxxx